DEFAULT {Headline} HEADLINE {HeadlinePrefix} {HeadlineNews} {HeadlineNews}{HeadlineSuffix} {HeadlineNews} {HeadlineStudy} {HeadlinePrefix} {HeadlineStudy} {HeadlineTabloid} {HeadlinePrefix} {HeadlineTabloid} {HeadlineOpinion} {HeadlineSports} HEADLINEFRONTPAGE {HeadlineNews} {HeadlineNews} {HeadlineNews} {HeadlineNews} {HeadlineStudy} {HeadlineSports} HEADLINENEWS {CongressCritter} Takes Taxpayer-Funded Hawaii Vacation Gas Prices Rise {#2-5} Cents Nationwide, Motorists Panic {AreaMan} Puts Election Vote For Sale On eBay, Bidding Up To ${#1-9},000 Convicted Kidnapper Gets Kidnapped In {USState} Governor {LastName} Failed High School Gym Class Federal Government Declares {HeadlineCompany} {DangerousProduct}(tm) Unsafe Oklahoma Set To Open {#44-50}th Turnpike {RealCity} City Hall Closed For Pest Control Surgeon General Sued For Malpractice President Says He Chugged Beer, But Didn't Swallow Kleptomania Treatment Center Sign Stolen Moose Near White House Mistaken For Senator {LastName} Tornado Hits Mobile Home Park For The {#10-20}th Time This Month "Green Peace" Ship Collides With Oil Tanker, Causes Huge Oil Spill London's "Big Ben" Found To Be {#3-10} Minutes {[Fast|Slow|Wrong} Local Millionaire Wins ${#10-50} Million In Lottery Forest Fires Erupt In {USState}, Threaten Top Secret Military Base Oldest Tree In {RealCity} Cut Down For New {FastFoodJoint} Restaurant {NeutralCountry} Declares War On US {NeutralCountry} Launches Nuclear Bomb Congress Exempts Itself From Income Tax Audit Reveals Federal Government Spent ${#100-200} Million On {[Toilet Paper|Paperclips|Slide Rules} Last Year {RealCity} School Board Introduces New Capital Punishment Policy Nuclear War Kills 6 Billion People, Only {#3-7} Billion Roaches & {#2-5} Newspaper Journalists Survive {AreaMan} Invents Better Mousetrap, Patent Lawyers Beat A Path To His Door {USState} Teachers On Strike, Students Ecstatic Congress Passes The "It's For The Children Act Of 2000" {Person} and {Person} Declared "Town Drunks" By {City} City Council Convicted Felon Wins Election; He Was Unopposed {AreaMan} Fired After Being Late To Work, Blames Daylight Saving Time Change Flash Flood Wipes Out Junkyard, Neighbors Ecstatic {NeutralCountry} Invades {NeutralCountry}, {#50-200} Killed {PublicSchoolFullName} To Require Uniforms, Students Plan To Strike {PublicSchoolFullName} Student Suspended {#3-10} Days For {[Talking In Class|Doodling|Using Independent Thought|Not Smiling Enough} "Nonsense" Author Wins ${#4-10} Million Lottery Prize Wal-Mart Supercenter Causes Last Mom & Pop Operation In {RealCity} To Close Membership In The "{OrgPolitical}" Increases By {#10-50}% {#100-500} Members Of The "{OrgPolitical}" Protest In Front Of City Hall {AreaMan} Loses Life Savings In Las Vegas Gambling Junket President Suffers Nosebleed During State Of The Union Address {AreaMan} Falsely Accused Of Jaywalking {AreaMan} Receives ${#1-9}{digit}{digit},{digit}{digit}{digit} Hospital Bill By Mistake {AreaMan} Held Hostage By The Radical "{OrgPolitical}" Al Gore Appointed Ambassador To Chad! HEADLINEOPINION {HeadlineOpinionPrefix} {HeadlineOpinionWhat} {HeadlineOpinionPrefix} {HeadlineOpinionWhat} "{HeadlineOpinionWhat}" Says Columnist {Person} HEADLINEOPINIONPREFIX Opinion: Today's Rant: Letter To The Editor: Columnist {Person}: Editorial: Daily Soapbox: HEADLINEOPINIONWHAT Corn Prices Are As High As An Elephant's Eye {HeadlineLocalOfficial} {LastName} Is A Moron This Season's TV Sitcoms Really Suck Microsoft Windows Is A Load Of Crap We Need A US Constitution Version 2.0 Everyone Wants A New Taxpayer-Funded Stadium, Except Taxpayers Can You Believe What {CongressCritter} Just Did? It's All A Vast {[Left|Right}-Wing Conspiracy {RealCity} Needs To Erect 'Speed Trap Ahead' Road Signs The Federal Government Sends Another ${#10-50} Billion Down The Drain {FastFoodJoint}'s Latest Promotion Is A Joke Shakespeare Was Right: Let's Kill All The Lawyers 'Your Tax Dollars At Work' Road Signs Are A Waste Of Your Tax Dollars I'm Renouncing My US Citizenship And Moving To {[Venezuala|Belize|Madagascar|Timbuktu} Something Needs To Be Done About That Pothole On {Street} This Is The {[Fourth|Fifth|Sixth} Time My Bank Has Been Acquired By Another Company Why Does Everybody Hog The Left Lane On The Interstate? It's Impossible To Lose Weight When You Live Next To A {FastFoodJoint} Put The Cell Phone Away And Pay Attention To The Road That Billboard On {Street} Is Offensive Vote Yes On Proposition {^Letter} If Proposition {^Letter} Passes, I'm Moving Away From This State If {Person} Wins The Election For {HeadlineLocalOfficial}, I'm Going To Puke The '{OrgPolitical}' Has Gone Too Far HEADLINETABLOID Giant Mutant Cockroaches Created By Scientists At {University} UFOs Invade {RealCity}, {#100-200} Abducted "Killer Beagle" On The Loose In {USState} {^Animal} With Two Heads Found Near Nuclear Plant Computer Possessed By Satanic Daemon Fort Knox Gold Is Really Silver Movie Star {Person} Suffers From {MedicalCondition}! Elvis Sighted In {RealCity} {CelebrityDead} Really Died From {MedicalCondition}! {CelebrityMale} and {CelebrityFemale} Elope To Las Vegas! Photos From The Secret {CelebrityMale} and {CelebrityFemale} Wedding {CelebrityFemale} Claims She Was Abducted By Aliens At Age {#5-16} {Celebrity} Caught In Middle Of Bizarre Love Triangle! Is {Celebrity} A {[Communist|Fascist|Vampire}? No, But It Makes A Good Headline Anyway {Celebrity} Held For Ransom By {NeutralCountry} Terrorists! "I Was Spanked By {CelebrityMale}!" Says {RealCity} {Occupation} {#100-999} Men Have Their Names Legally Changed To "{CelebrityMale}" {#100-999} Women Legally Change Their Names To "{CelebrityFemale}" Guardian Angel {[Murders|Kills|Slaughters} {RealCity} {Occupation} Cannibals Order Pizza, Then Eat Deliveryman! The Titanic Was Sunk By A Submarine From {NeutralCountry}! {CelebrityMale} Moons Dinner Guests Clairvoyant {^Animal} Earns Gambler ${#10-20} Million! "I Look Just Like {Celebrity} And I Can't Stand It Anymore!" Says Upset {USStateAdjective} {FastFoodJoint} Mascot Gets Audited By The IRS! {^Animal} Undergoes Sex-Change Operation In {USState}! {NeutralCountry} Building Tunnel Through Earth To Attack United States! New Study Claims {#3-7} Out Of 10 Americans Are Reincarnated In {NeutralCountry} {HeadlineCompany} Releases Condoms... For Your Pet {^Animal} {Celebrity} Impersonators Hold National Convention In {RealCity} Exposed: {CelebrityMale} Gay Love Letters! Revealed: {CelebrityFemale} Lesbian Love Letters! "I'm Carrying {CelebrityMale}'s Baby!" Says {CelebrityFemale} {CelebrityFemale} Goes Berserk! {CelebrityMale} Kicked Out By Wife {CelebrityMale}'s Drunken Binge Caught On Tape! {CelebrityMale} And {CelebrityFemale} Secret Divorce {[Plan|Deal|Pact|Agreement} {CelebrityFemale} Falls For {CelebrityMale} {Celebrity} Suicide Watch {CelebrityMale} Shacks Up With {CelebrityFemale} {Celebrity} Loses Life Savings In Pyramid Scheme {CelebrityFemale}: "{[Breast Implants|Liposuction|Plastic Surgery} Saved My Career!" {CelebrityFemale} Voted "Babe Of The Year" {Celebrity} Wins Nobel Prize Bill Clinton {[Museum|Library} Built Near Sex Shop Bill Clinton Becomes {[Editor Of|Official Breast Inspector For|Head Photographer} For {[Playboy|Playdude|Penthouse} Magazine "{[Survivor|Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?|Jeopardy|Wheel Of Fortune}" Is {[One Big Scam|Rigged}! {CelebrityFemale} Gains {#30-50} Pounds! All {[Fat People|Vegetarians|Republicans|Democrats} Will Go To Hell, Says TV Evangelist! {CelebrityFemale} Reveals Her Battle With Depression In Sensational Tell-All Book {CelebrityMale} Paid Ex-Lover ${#10-50} Million, Now Wants It Back {CelebrityDead} Killed As Part Of {[FBI|CIA|Alien|Canadian|Mexican} Conspiracy! {CelebrityDead} Was Really Abducted By Aliens {CelebrityFemale}'s Breast Implants Explode! {CelebrityFemale}'s Lost Baby Discovered In {USState}! {CelebrityFemale} Wants To Have {CelebrityMale}'s Baby! HEADLINESTUDY New Study Reveals {HeadlineStudyWhat} {University} Study Finds {HeadlineStudyWhat} {HeadlineStudyWhat}, New Study Claims Researchers Discover {HeadlineStudyWhat} HEADLINESTUDYWHAT Used Car Commercials Cause {MedicalCondition} {#40-75}% Of Citizens Can't Name The {HeadlineFederalOfficial} {#40-99}% Of {USState} Residents Can't Name Their {HeadlineLocalOfficial} Dog Biscuits Reduce The Risk Of {MedicalCondition} "Santa Claus" Is A Scam Used By Toy Companies To Increase Sales {#30-60}% Of Medical Studies Are {[Scams|Bogus} {#30-60}% Of Studies Later Turn Out To Be False {#30-99}% Of Statistics Are {[False|Wrong|Misleading} {#40-99}% Of America Online CDs Are Used As {[Frisbees|Drink Coasters|Skeet Shoot Targets} {HeadlineCompany} {DangerousProduct}(tm) Caused {#100-200} Deaths Last Year {#30-99}% Of School Cafeteria "Mystery Meat" Dishes Don't Actually Contain Meat {#50-99}% Of US Congressmen Are Multi-Millionaires 2 + 2 = 5, For Extremely Large Values Of 2 The Passage Of Time Slows Down By {#5-20}% When In-Laws Are Nearby {#10-50}% Of Readers Believe Tabloid Articles Are Always True {#80-99}% Of Naysayers Always Say Nay {#30-70}% Of {USState} Residents Believe The Internet Is Evil John Hancock's Signature On The Declaration Of Independence Was A Forgery {#10-30}% Of Deaths Are Caused By Dihydrogen Monoxide PI Is Really Equal To 3.{digit#5-10}! HEADLINETEASER Dave Barry: "My Tax Audit" Dave Barry Plugs His New Book Dave Barry: "I Am Not Making This Up" Dave Barry: "Okay, So Maybe I Am Making This Up" Dave Barry: "Yet Another Column About Bodily Functions" Dear Abby Says "Get A Divorce" Dear Abby Says "Will You Quit Asking Me These Stupid Questions?" Mr. Food: "Spinach Surprise" Mr. Food: "101 {[Shrimp|Turnip|Lettuce} Recipes" Today's Crappy TV Lineup Ask Dr. Aitchemoh: "What Causes {MedicalCondition}?" HEADLINEPREFIX Breaking News: This Just In: Stop The Presses: Top Story: HEADLINESUFFIX : An Exclusive Report ! Film At 11. : A Special Report NEUTRALCOUNTRY Andorra Switzerland Leichtenstein San Marino Monaco Iceland Greenland Finland DANGEROUSPRODUCT Chocolate Covered Wasps Toy Electric Chair Bag-O-Rusty-Nails Chewable Morphine Asbestos-On-A-Stick Hand Grenade, Jr. HEADLINEFEDERALOFFICIAL Supreme Court Chief Justice Secretary Of Education Secretary Of State HEADLINELOCALOFFICIAL State Senator US Senator State Representative US Representative State Auditor HEADLINECOMPANY Acme Ronco Drugco Bigco FILLERTEXT {FillerParagraph} {FillerParagraph}{FillerParagraph} {FillerParagraph}{FillerParagraph}{FillerParagraph} FILLERPARAGRAPH    {FillerLines}{FillerLines}{FillerLineEnd}    {FillerLines}{FillerLines}{FillerLines}{FillerLineEnd}    {FillerLines}{FillerLines}{FillerLines}{FillerLines}{FillerLineEnd} FILLERLINES ____ ______ ___ _____ ____ ___ _ _____ ___ _______ ____ __ ________ ____ ___ _____ ______ ___ _____ __ ___ ____ _______ ______ ___ _ _______ ____ ____ ____ _________ __ ____ ____ __ _____ ______ _______ ____ ___ __ ___ _ ____ ___ _____ ___ ___ ____ _____ ____ ____ _____________ ___ _____ __ FILLERLINEEND ___
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SUBLINE By {Person} {Person}, Staff Writer {Person}, Freelance Reporter Associated Press Special to the {$PaperName} An Investigative Report A Special Report Exclusive Report {SublineQuote} {SublineQuote} SUBLINEQUOTE "It was horrible," says {SublineQuoteWho}. "I've never seen anything like it," exclaims {SublineQuoteWho}. "Holy cow!" say {SublineQuoteWho}s "I still can't believe it", says stunned {SublineQuoteWho} "It was something to see," says {SublineQuoteWho}. "We'll be talking about this for years", exclaims {SublineQuoteWho}. SUBLINEQUOTEWHO observer bystander onlooker TEMPLATEWEATHER {TemplateWeatherSummer} {TemplateWeatherWinter} TEMPLATEWEATHERSUMMER Sunny
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{HeadlineNews} {HeadlineNews} {HeadlineNews} TEMPLATETOPITEM {HeadlineNews} {HeadlineOpinion} {HeadlineSports} {HeadlineTabloid} {HeadlineStudy} {HeadlineTeaser} {HeadlineTeaser} HEADLINESPORTS {HeadlineSportsPro} {HeadlineSportsPro} {HeadlineSportsCollege} {HeadlineSportsSchool} HEADLINESPORTSPRO {BaseballTeam} {#5-10}, {BaseballTeam} {#0-4} {BaseballTeam} {#8-15}, {BaseballTeam} {#0-7} {BaseballTeam} {#3-12}, {BaseballTeam} {#0-2} {BaseballTeam} Win {^Ordinal} Game Against {BaseballTeam} This Season {BaseballTeam} Extend Their Winning Streak To {#4-15} {BaseballTeam} Lose {#4-10}th Straight Game {BaseballTeam} {HeadlineSportsVerb} The {BaseballTeam} {#7-10}-{#0-4} {BaseballTeam} Beat The {BaseballTeam} {#4-6}-{#1-3} After {#10-14} Innings {BaseballTeam} Sign Contract With {BaseballPosition} {FirstNameMale} {LastName} For ${#25-50} Million {BaseballTeam} {BaseballPosition} {FirstNameMale} {LastName} Placed On Disabled List {BaseballTeam} {BaseballPosition} {FirstNameMale} {LastName} Diagnosed With {MedicalCondition} {BaseballTeam} {BaseballPosition} {FirstNameMale} {LastName} Made {#3-10} Errors In Last Night's Game {FootballTeam} {#14-60}, {FootballTeam} {[0|3|6|7} {FootballTeam} {#21-42}, {FootballTeam} {#7-20} {FootballTeam} {#30-50}, {FootballTeam} {#14-29} {FootballTeam} Win {#4-15}th Straighth Game {FootballTeam} Lose {#4-10}th Straight Game {FootballTeam} {HeadlineSportsVerb} The {FootballTeam} {#21-50}-{#0-20} {FootballTeam} {FootballPosition} {FirstNameMale} {LastName} Placed On Disabled List HEADLINESPORTSCOLLEGE {CollegeFootballTeam} Wins The {RealCompany} Bowl {CollegeFootballTeam} {#21-60}, {CollegeFootballTeam} {#7-20} {CollegeFootballTeam} {#30-50}, {CollegeFootballTeam} {#14-29} {CollegeFootballTeam} Suffered {#3-5} Injuries In Yesterday's Game HEADLINESPORTSSCHOOL {PublicSchool} {SportsTeam} Win {[Baseball|Softball|Soccer} Tournament {City} {SportsTeam} Win {[American Legion|Little League|Triple-A} World Series {City} {SportsTeam} {HeadlineSportsVerb} The {City} {SportsTeam} {#5-10}-{#0-4} {City} {SportsTeam} {HeadlineSportsVerb} The {City} {SportsTeam} {#21-35}-{#0-14} {City} {SportsTeam} {#5-10}, {City} {SportsTeam} {#0-4} {City} {SportsTeam} {#21-35}, {City} {SportsTeam} {#0-14} HEADLINESPORTSVERB Beat Beat Trounce Clobber Rout Pummel Defeat Conquer Whip Shellac BASEBALLTEAM Angels Astros A's Blue Jays Braves Brewers Cardinals Cubs Devil Rays Diamondbacks Dodgers Expos Giants Indians Mariners Marlins Mets Orioles Padres Pirates Rangers Red Sox Reds Rockies Royals Tigers Twins White Sox Yankees BASEBALLPOSITION Pitcher Catcher First Baseman Second Baseman Third Baseman Outfielder FOOTBALLTEAM 49ers Bears Bengals Bills Broncos Browns Buccaneers Cardinals Chargers Chiefs Colts Cowboys Dolphins Eagles Falcons Giants Jaguars Jets Lions Packers Panthers Patriots Raiders Rams Ravens Redskins Saints Seahawks Steelers Titans Vikings FOOTBALLPOSITION Quarterback Fullback Halfback Kicker Safety Linebacker COLLEGEFOOTBALLTEAM {USState} {USState} State {USState} Tech {USState} A&M {[Central|Northern|Western|Eastern|Southern} {USState} SPORTSTEAM {BaseballTeam} {FootballTeam} Tigers Indians Bears Mules Wildcats Wolverines CELEBRITY {CelebrityMale} {CelebrityFemale} CELEBRITYMALE David Letterman Jay Leno Dan Rather Jerry Seinfeld Michael Jordan Michael Jackson Rush Limbaugh Howard Stern Al Gore Bill Clinton Bob Dole Dan Quayle George W. Bush Fidel Castro Slobidan Milosevich Saddam Hussein Elvis Presley Regis Philbin Mel Gibson Elton John Robert Downey Jr. Harrison Ford Ted Kennedy O. J. Simpson Jerry Springer CELEBRITYFEMALE Madonna Queen Elizabeth Monica Lewinsky Britney Spears Pamela Anderson Dolly Parton Julia Roberts Tipper Gore Hillary Clinton Kathie Lee Gifford Janet Reno Anna Nicole Smith Tonya Harding Vanna White Meg Ryan Susan Lucci CELEBRITYDEAD Elvis Elvis J.F.K. Princess Di Princess Diana JonBenet Ramsey FASTFOODJOINT McDonalds Burger King Taco Bell Hardees Dairy Queen MEDICALCONDITION Chronic Headaches Heart Attacks High Blood Pressure Alzeimer's Disease Insanity Suicidal Tendencies Alcoholism {LastName}'s {[Disorder|Disease} AREAMAN Area Man Local Man Area Woman Local Woman Local Resident {Occupation} Local {Occupation} {Occupation} {[Village Idiot|Local Idiot|Local Boob|Local Dweeb|Town Fool} OCCUPATION Housewife Webmaster Fireman Police Officer {FastFoodJoint} Manager Janitor Teacher City Alderman Pointy Haired Boss Actor Farmer Computer Programmer College Professor